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35 weeks!

Monday, February 15, 2010

5 more weeks, i hope

35 weeks down, 5-ish more to go. i’m starting to feel ready. not necessarily in all senses of the word, but close enough. i can count down the weeks left (hopefully) on one hand. i’ve spent all this time counting up the weeks of pregnancy only to now be excited about counting down what time there is before labor.

35 weeks

35 weeks

as crazy as it sounds, i think i’m ready to trade in the bodily discomfort that keeps me awake at night and drags on throughout the day for an adorable, needy newborn to keep me even more awake all the time. i’m ready to hold the little thing that squirms and stretches and kicks inside. i’m ready to see it and touch it instead of just pat my belly and talk to myself. i’m ready to meet the new life i helped make and have been so privileged to carry.

soon.

it’s starting to get exciting … though there’s a bit of anxiety there, too. the labor and birth part are hard, i know, but they’re over so fast compared to the months past of pregnancy. i won’t be laboring for eight or nine months. hours, yes. more hours than i’d probably like to think about right now. but there will be something amazing at the end of all the pain and struggle—there’ll be baby anastasia or baby elisha at the end, in our arms, for real.

now is the part where i admit to the internet i’m really hoping for a natural birth. i don’t want to be a birth superhero; i don’t want anything to brag about to all the other moms i know. i just want to go through it for more reasons than i can think of typing at the moment. simply put, it’s something i’ve always wanted. maybe it’s because i know that usually, i’m such a wuss. still, i will also say that if i reach a point (and a point before i’m 7cm dilated) where i feel the need for an epidural, i will not feel guilty for giving in. i want what’s best for the baby; i want this little one’s birth to go as complication-free as possible.

i dreamed about labor this weekend, though, of course, all of my pregnant dreams are a bit wild and strange. i dreamed about laboring in the pool, the birth ball, on my side with hubby holding me, and walking around the hospital room that was entirely too much like something from an episode of House. i woke up just before the pushing stage, however. laying in bed that morning, i told hubby and he remarked how coincidentally funny my dream was—he had dreamed about holding our newborn baby that same night.

i can’t wait for it all not to be just a dream.

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